My family is “normal.” That is –normal for an Italian, Catholic, Chicago group of peeps who dig bowling, baseball, roller coasters, shopping and family fun time.
Typical dinner conversation is made up of comments about who is sick, who died, who is dying and how 16 people just moved into the house down the street.
We can talk about diarrhea at the dinner table (and we have) before we can comfortably discuss spirituality and energy. They’re hilarious. You’d love them! My dad thinks I’m a writer (and rightfully so… after all, he did graciously pick me up from late night classes when I was “studying” to be writer).
So, when I was a kid and the “lion” under my bed frightened me, my dad graciously moved to the couch so I could sleep with my mom. When I saw the “real Jesus” at church and shouted out-loud to the priest in the middle of mass – my family had a cute story to tell. Early on, I could “see” that mentioning the visits I received from my deceased great grandmother or the dove that nestled above my bedroom door would be useless. And, I began to think they weren’t even real.
I love that I wasn’t led into being the way I am today. With the exception of several very freaky and un-authentic happenings where I was taken to meet some Christian extremists who “healed” “saw things” and danced like fire – I was pretty much taught that no one like me could do these things. And, since it wasn’t discussed, it wasn’t nourished or encouraged. My dad did jokingly threaten to put me in a convent if I got out of hand. So, there was a far-fetched chance that I could become a nun. But, even as a child, I remember thinking “not again!” –as if I had been a nun before.
So, I entered this world of “knowing something more” in a very organic way. I didn’t have names for all of my abilities or the things I saw, heard and felt. I was (and still very much am) like a child talking to Abraham Lincoln in Heaven — without knowing that he was the president once. I just don’t have all the facts yet.
But, I know how to make things happen for myself. And, I innately know how to really let go. So, when one of my amazing teachers shares a concept with me – I absorb it right away and can incorporate it immediately. It’s as if once I hear an idea leave someone else’s lips – I fully understand it right away. Like they are awakening a very familiar part of me.
So, last week, Laura Bruno shared with me this idea of being able to visualize and manifest our abundance without attachment to the outcome. In other words, we can manifest abundance (by living in abundant thought and lifestyle) much quicker if we don’t get caught up in details. Don’t “expect.” This is no problemo for me. I do this already. But, with Laura’s prompting, I set a bit more attention on letting go of outcomes.
How do you really do this if you want something really really badly?
The answer to this can be simple, if you allow it. You need to trust that the universe (Energy, God, Source, Love) understands what abundance means to you, and that every occurrence is in some way leading you to that. If you are really true to yourself and are on the right path you will receive abundant blessings and be provided for even in the midst of great trials. So, maybe you will get knocked on your head three times a day, but you will see some sort of hope.
This kind of trust is what many people need to work on.
When you don’t have that trust, you get caught up in working hard and focusing on details. And, you always seem to fall short.
So, this past week, I trusted more than ever. I put more trust in my ability to financially provide for my family while giving up some work that didn’t serve me. I trusted that if I continued doing what feels right that all would be right.
And Wow – Just Wow!
When you open more to these concepts, it’s pretty hard not to be in awe. I was called to dig into 7 books on spirituality, Reiki, Chinese Medicine and abundance. I nearly swallowed them whole and spent most of the week reading, contemplating and napping.
I ate warm soups and followed my Chinese Medical Guru, Lisa Reichert’s food plan for replenishing my lost energy. I barely worked except to have profound healing appointments with some of my favorite clients, and that’s not work for me.
In this time I attracted a bunch of money and more potential dough. Of course, I needed it. But I sure didn’t advertise for it. I attracted amazing clients. Clients who vibe so well with me, and I am sure that we will work amazingly together. I attracted gifts and blessings beyond my wildest dreams (although similar pics. are on my vision board).
I attracted love and gratitude from new friends, and dreams that taught me so much more than I could possibly learn while I was awake.
But, you know what else I attracted? A disconnect from old friends. People are the hardest for me to let go of. I love people. I even love those people who lost touch over the years. I pretty much love everyone who has crossed my path. And, I have often equated this love with needing to be near certain people, needing to connect, go out for a laugh and just hang!
I may be psychic. I may talk to spirits. But I can dig a night out dancing. In fact, I need it. But, I put “rules” on who I needed it from. So, I was closed off to the potential new friends who would’ve loved to hang with me.
With all the abundance happening around me – I have to believe that the recent friendship changes are for the better. In fact, I also had to come to grips with the reality that these experiences weren’t recent. These were patterns. These were patterns of me trying to please someone else. That never works. So, in the midst of being me…the real me… I was led away from situations where I may be inclined to not be myself. Woah!
But, I didn’t expect this lonely feeling.
Last week, I shared with someone that I had recently had an amazing visit/vision/ message from an important spirit. I shared what he said to me, and my excitement about it. And, in response she said: “So, where is Dougie (my son) now?” Yup! Totally eased passed the un-comfy conversation. And, I felt stunned. I totally expected her to understand. I felt the lump in my stomach grow.
I will never expect the sadness and loneliness that comes from being human and hurt. Instead, I will realize that when those feelings come, they are leading me somewhere. The beauty behind this is that our feelings are really all about us. People did not just intentionally diss me. And, they probably didn’t even know that I was hurt, because they’re living their own lives with their own priorities. My pain reflects my need to move forward on my path. And, just look at how clear that path is!
image credit: Amanda.Venner