I’m a writer. And, a story snob. I love writing them, telling them, reading them. And, I judge them rather profoundly. I love the sound that a character makes when he crunches popcorn kernels with his back molars. I love making that up. I love obsessing over authors who can tear up my heart with words arranged in exactly the way that triggers my deepest fears. That takes talent. And, it’s a talent I nearly pee in my pants over trying to hone every day with the anxiety that it hurts to get the words out, they will never come out perfectly, and then finally — I exhale the most delicious creation ever crafted in the English language. It’s like giving birth to something that will always be. It will always stand declaring exactly what I thought and felt at that moment of creation. I am a good writer then, and I am perfect. Until the next story urge comes. It never ends, and I am more than okay with that. I began defining myself as a writer when I got my first diary at age 8. Writing my life was never enough. I wrote stories and became the characters. I believed this was my purpose, and it still is.
We all have stories, and many of us need to share our stories. Not because they are tantalizing stories with drool-worthy characters and plots that will keep you wanting more. But because the sharing of our truth is a creative expression that moves us forward. And, we all want to move forward, right? Well, I do. And, I always have. So, recognizing that I define myself as a writer and story-teller in a time when I’m also being Spiritually coerced (in a good way) to let go of all my stories, is kind of oxymoronic. But, I have found, over the past 10 years, that letting go of the old subconscious stories and “programs” that dictate my self-sabotaging behaviors is a really good idea. I do have stories I like to tell, that people want to hear, that are entertaining even. However, if I continue to claim them as mine, once I have released them, then I continue to tell the same story in my mind over and over and get nowhere.
You’ve got stories too. Maybe you’re here because your story is similar to mine. Maybe you have a child with autism or vaccine injury. Maybe you’re someone who is awakening to your spiritual side, maybe you’re someone who suffered or are suffering through a medical diagnosis and are looking for alternative healing. Your story is valid. And, I want to inspire a new goal for you to tell it, and then trash it. The more we tell the same story, the more we believe it and the more we behave accordingly.
What is the Inner Story that Really Defines Your Behaviors?
Our subconscious minds store our beliefs and our automatic behaviors. Everything that happens in the body, connects with brain activity. I am breathing because there is a set program that breathes me. I do not need to think about it. Our subconscious brains do not think, they do. You can walk or drive home from work without paying attention because you’ve done it so many times that it has become a behavior. You are programmed with an inner homing device, so to speak.
So, what’s the problem with hanging on to my story? The original story that began my blogging life was that I had a son who was vaccine injured and diagnosed with autism. I set out to help others know that they could heal. So, I was quite addicted to that story in blog land. Although my son was healing quickly, I had to use the word “autism” every day for work. We never used it at home. My son was once labeled with autism. That is a true and valid story. And with it came research, treatment, healing, and a specific way of behaving. I’m talking about for me… a specific way of behaving for me. I behaved like a mom of a child with autism. And the story bled into his energy field. Now, regardless of if we liked it or not, he had autism. And, when he healed…. the story was that he healed from autism, still focussing on the diagnosis word. Now, let me ask you, if you are not seeing a problem with this, then — do you want to define yourself by words or “diagnosis” that someone else created for you? By me hanging on to that story, I could never fully imagine myself out of the diagnosis. And, imagination is the key. Because what we can imagine and envision, we can create. But, we cannot uphold 2 opposite beliefs at the same time. The same goes with every story and self-definition. I come from Italian American culture. That certainly defines what I do and how I act.
These are only the stories we can access because we know that we tell them frequently. But, the deeper subconscious stories that are working for or against us are typically more difficult for people to understand. If I told you that you are harboring an inner story that you are unworthy, would you want to let go of it? What if you didn’t believe it, would you want to still let go of it? Would you be willing to let go of any story that was not serving you? Would you be willing to stop telling stories that enhance negative programming for you and result in a lack of receiving in your life?
We don’t always “believe” with our conscious minds, the inner, subconscious stories and programs that are making us sick. We don’t need to believe them with our thinking minds. Remember that our subconscious does not think… it just does. It is just acting based upon the program that we have inserted. An inner story of unworthiness will result in lack of receiving in life, even if you are constantly telling yourself out loud that you are worthy. So, often the subconscious program is hidden. You are doing your affirmations, being a good light worker and nothing is panning out because there is an inner story that needs to be worked on. For me, I had the inner belief, the program (if you will) that my son would heal. So although my words and outer story did effect me, it did not de-rail our mission to get well. An inner story of “lack” has people giving hints out loud when they say little things like “ I have no time,” “ I can’t afford it” and the like.
Are You Addicted to Who You Think You Are?
Recently I had a client who was very addicted to her story. One of her goals was to make money. I was stoked to dig in with her and help her transform her beliefs. I let her know that she could and should tell her full story to fully release it, and then we were going to completely re-write it. So, she told her story. And, it was harsh. She had experienced a lot of pain and more recently, pain in the money department. Then she told her story again, more fully. Then again. Session after session she told her story. And, when I urged her out of it, she told it again. She told validating new events that occurred for her, upgrading the influence her original story of victimhood. She was not finished. Nor did she fully commit to or decide she was ever going to let that story go. She desired to continue the story and receive her goal. Programming is a beeyatch. It is fierce. We can have one very difficult experience, like getting booted from our home, and it can dictate how we feel about ourselves and the world for the rest of our lives. If we let it. Somewhere along the way, you need to make the conscious decision to shift your subconscious patterning and do the work to shift it. My client rarely heard my words when I was coaching her out of her story. She rather liked her story. And, many of us do. Myself included. That whole “I helped heal my son” gig was a huge one. It made me feel powerful and important. And, I’ve got my own lack stories too, like how my car was stolen in Costa Rica, and how I still owe money for it. Or how I had to use money I had saved to buy another car (newer and better) that stopped working, and that I couldn’t afford to fix. And, how I still owe money for that one too. So, I relate to this client on more levels than I can elaborate here. But, the difference between us is that I forced myself out of my story. It’s certainly not required for life. But, it is required for Bliss.
Get out of Victimhood
When presented with the option to un-write our stories, we often do not know what we will face. We may desire healing and change, but we may also come up against some things that we don’t want to believe are true. After all of this self- work and self-healing, nobody wants to think that they were mistaken all along. That they missed something. And, certainly, nobody wants to think that they are narcissistic, in victim mentality, or any other “negative” form of subconscious programming. But, those are the very things that hold all of us back. It is because we won’t see them that we cannot move forward. I made the conscious decision to face whatever comes my way, even if it’s hidden within the shadows of my own fears. Even if I find out that I have harbored hatred and shame.
Take True Responsibility for You Actions
The most BLISS I’ve felt to date comes from taking full responsibility for my perceptions, actions, thoughts and life. Doing this forces me to un-do any story that does not serve me. Yesterday, I was super excited to have manifested a brand new, free, infrared sauna. Something I set my heart on a few months ago. I was going on and on about how excited I was. I’m in awe of how the Universe works. And, when my roomie said out loud “I’m just in awe of your manifesting powers,” I felt moved. Moved out of my success story. It’s not me. It’s the Universe. I am so small. And, my smallness allowed me to wonder if was being annoying to her. And, feel guilty for that. So, then I said, “oh, I’m sorry, I was just excited. I don’t mean to take full credit.” Sure, this was true. As my husband was the one who found the sauna, picked it up, and installed it, and my housemate was the one who approved us putting it up. But, I said “sorry” because I came down off my ascension cloud and felt small. That’s my program. I lost confidence in my ability, and for a moment felt as though my happiness was drowning out the energies of another. But, after tuning in for a second, it stopped. I just felt grateful. I am able to end my automatic behaviors that serve my limiting beliefs with gratitude. Every single time I’m triggered into feeling small, worthless, or in lack — I have now programmed myself out with gratitude.
You can Access Your Subconscious Mind
You can access your subconscious mind, and get a clear knowing on what stories and beliefs are running your show. It really isn’t a mystery. We are just not taught the value of our natural-born psychic power and how to access it for really practical things like this. Our muscles respond to positive and negative influence with cues, and in muscle testing — you can ask your body questions and receive yes or no answers. You just have to get accustomed to translating the messages. You can also use a divination tool, like a pendulum, to ask yes or no questions to your body and mind. With the right questions you can define what programs are keeping you stuck and even learn how to undo them. You can also sit in meditation, which I recommend anyway, and set the intention to receive the answers you need.
The key to understanding how to use any of these techniques is knowing yourself, how you intuitively and instinctively respond to yes or no answers, and how your psychic messages come to you. I train people on how to do this, and perhaps you’ve already tried some exercises to heighten your awareness. I’ll have more for you. But, right now, just set the intention to understand your messages more clearly.
Want to Really Let Go?
What Stories are holding you back? Start by telling your story to yourself and listening to it. Tell it out loud to a recording device if possible. Don’t hold back. Get into the first thing on your mind, and tell it all. If it takes an hour or more, you are on the right track. Then listen with an open heart, as if listening to your best friend. No judgements. Just really unleashing and allowing. When you’re done, write out that story, read it and allow for every single emotion to show up. Spend time, and I mean days if necessary.. although this often happens way more quickly.
As each emotion shows up spend more time wth it. Be with it. Get angry. You will be done when you feel done. When the story no longer drives emotion. At which point, I suggest burning the paper you wrote on and deleting the recording.You will never go back. Ever. Regardless of your level of forward movement with this, you will NOT go back there. You are done.
Next, set the intention to change the program. What would you rather think and feel? Create a reasonable affirmation such as “I love and appreciate myself” and allow yourself to say that.. paying attention to any resistance. Do not ignore the resistance. Instead, visit it like you did your original story. Tire it out. and get back to affirming. Hold your affirmation in your mind until you feel a positive emotional shift, until you feel something different inside of you.
Change Your Behavior
You will be triggered back into your story. I promise. Today, I got the opportunity to feel like I’m unworthy again. But, as soon as that trigger hits, I force myself, and baby you may wanna do this too, into acting in my new affirmed belief. How does one act when one is programmed with “I love and appreciate myself”? If you feel victimized, you blame your misfortunes on others. Like me with my car being stolen. Someone else stole my car. I didn’t steal it from myself. And, so when my financial problems domino’d after that, I knew it was “because” we lost our car. But, doing so gave a complete stranger the power over my life. And, that’s simply not true. By deciding to be in control, I am not a victim. I get to decide my every move and thought. And, I get to behave in ways that make me happy. So do you. When that trigger happens –the one that makes you feel like you’ll never succeed, you’ll never lose weight, you’ll never get a hold of your life — meet that lie with gratitude. That story got you here. In some ways, it protected you. You just know more now. You know that only you get to make the decisions about what you think and feel.
You must change your behavior. You must choose a different and more life -affirming answer to your triggers. The repetition of the new behavior helps seal in the new program, provided you chose a healthy new story and behavior.
Your Story is a Lie Anyway
No one story defines any person. Not you or me. And, when you write out the details of your story, I’m sure you can see how many of the details are based on your opinions which come from your limiting beliefs. The story of how my car was stolen isn’t fully true. I had psychic hints that something was fishy aout the situation. I ignored them. For me, there was an inner lesson that needed to be learned. And no, I don’t think every little hidden story is about major life lessons, we can let go of a to of them rather quickly once we see them. But, especially when our stories include blaming anyone else for any of our own problems, we are telling lies. When we assume someone has ill wlll toward us, or that we will never make it because no one understands, we put the power in the hands of someone else.
If you want out of any stories that are holding you back, I’m pretty sure you’ll have to do some mental, emotional, physical and spiritual work. When we have long-held beliefs that are literally creating our perceptions and actions, they effect all parts of us. And, coming into full alignment with a new way of being is how to really make this work for you. The good news is that it can be as easy as your imagination can stretch. I’m still a story-teller. Because I really want to be. I’m just being aware of the impact my words and thoughts have on my life and choosing stories that help me create my visions.
I adore you! YES, I really do!