Dreams are very important to me and my work. It is in our dreams that we let go of the human (3 dimensional world) limitations that keep us from knowing our true selves. As I travel my path and continue to help others on theirs, I thought it would be helpful to share some of my dreams with you. I’ve been so close to Jesus (in the most non-religious way imaginable) since I was a child. He has physically held me and guided me through the craziest and most confusing times. This post is not to offend anyone else’s interpretation of who Jesus is.
Last night, I lay stuck in my bed — completely unable to move. I had an eerie feeling in my gut. Doug and Dougie were cuddled up in the bed beside mine, snoozing perfectly, and I wanted so desperately to call to them and to be next to them. We’ve been sleeping in someone’s basement on 2 mattresses on the floor until while we finish our house on wheels. I was beginning to feel mentally exhausted from this and longing for that sense of HOME that was inches away from me. I tried lifting my head to no avail. My neck felt like lead. My forehead burned. Fear was creeping up from my feet to head, but I didn’t know exactly why. I tried lifting my hands, but a tremendous weight held me down. And my stomach sank even more.
Out of the half-open doorway came a woman who I knew to be myself. She looked quite evil though. And her hair was much longer. “I must be dreaming,” I thought. And, at that time, I realized that I REALLY could not speak. This wasn’t something temporary. I was screaming in my mind. If this was a dream, I was supposed to have a guide. I always have guides during my most painful dreams. “Where is my guide?” I thought very loudly. And, “why was I so afraid of myself?” And, “was she really me?” I could tell her intentions were dark.
She sat on the edge of the bed where my husband and son slept. And, she raised her hands above their heads, as if to put some dark spell on them. She stared directly at me the entire time. I bit my tongue. I do this in dreams to wake myself up in emergency cases. I felt the bite on my tongue, but it didn’t wake me. I knew I was sleeping too deeply. The pain I felt was in my mind only, because I couldn’t move. So, with the shadow-me staring me down and threatening my loved ones, I began to use my mind to hurt myself even more — with hopes of waking my physical body. I imagined pinching and scratching at my arms and squeezing my hands. That only worked to cause me more pain. I gave up trying to hurt myself.
At that moment I felt a warmth that told me I was being held by Jesus. And, I heard his voice. He assured me that the woman was me. My shadow. With him there, my fears began fading, but I still had to save my men. She continued hovering over Doug and Dougie with her ill intentions. Jesus held me more and filled me with a violet light that I knew I had to transfer to the shadow me. She understood my thoughts, so talking to her was unnecessary.
Again, I tried talking with my voice, only to become more drained and frustrated. My heart felt that this was some kind of test. I KNEW how to reach her without words or movement, but still I used up all of my physical strength and resources before I would even admit my other abilities to myself. Violet light seeped through my hand chakras to her heart. She didn’t budge. My spirit began lifting off my body. Jesus nodded and helped me as my soul peeled from the paralyzed flesh and bones on the bed. I didn’t want to fully let go. I kept resisting and having to start over. Then, finally I hovered over her. I expanded the violet light to create a bubble around her. She didn’t budge, but she still hadn’t hurt my guys, so I was gaining hope and confidence. “ You love Jesus,” I told her with my mind. She barely flinched. “ You love him and he is here to help you. He will comfort you.” She was getting fired up.
Jesus comforted me and told me I was doing a great job. But, we had to kick up the pace a little. She was very lost and hearing Jesus’ name fired her up a little more each moment. She couldn’t see him or feel him. Only I could.
I let go into his arms and his voice came through me. “I am here,” he said to her. His voice came through my entirety — like a loud boom that filled the room. My lips didn’t move and I wondered where he was actually speaking through.
“I am here, and I will help you. Feel the light and let it sink into you. It will dissolve all that makes you doubt your true power. You too are of this light. I am Jesus. You know me.”
I couldn’t tell if she was cracking or not. I had my doubts and my hopes. And, I was getting very tired from having the voice speaking through me. I was back inside my physical body.
She got off the bed and started to charge toward me in slow motion. I created an instant violet bubble around Doug and Dougie. I let that bubble grow and grow until they were completely protected. But, where was Jesus? My consciousness of him was in and out and I was becoming more tired.
“I won’t hurt you,” I told her with my mind. “But, oh I will destroy YOU!” she said back to me. Her negative energy was taking my breath away. I was losing strength. I felt an urge to squish her. And I thought I could with my mind. But, that violet light was becoming stronger and more apparent. It was filling the room, and all it made me want to do is LOVE HER. I was sending her zaps of love, but they didn’t seem to fully reach her. I was very confused.
She became a black/grey smoke cloud within the violet light. And, with energy from my palms, I spun her around in spirals. Her doubt and her hatred were so debilitating to me. I was exhausted. And, that’s when Jesus came through me again. This time his words were so strange, I could barely understand them. All, I know is that he seemed to be repeating the same mantra until she was almost completely dissolved. And, she and I both swam around in the light spirals until the tiniest bit of grey/purple darkness entered my heart. I fell unconscious and imagined Jesus was taking care of the rest. I wanted to help. I wanted to know what was happening. But, I had never been so tired. All I could do was let go. When it was over I felt different.
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