When I was 15 years old I suffered a grand mal seizure. My house had caught to fire while my family was sleeping. We all got out in time, and I sat in the car with my sister and watched as flames flickered up through the basement and began to destroy the only place I had known as home. My sister was beyond consoling, and her screams mixed with the images of the fire dancing its way past the windows was more than my mind could handle. The next thing I remember I was in the hospital trying to figure out what had happened. We were told by the doctors that it was common that such a traumatic experience could push someone’s mind over and force out symptoms so extreme, but something had changed in me that night. My mind had learned how to handle stress in a new way. It wasn’t long until I had another seizure that sent me back to the hospital.
We started seeing neurosurgeons and getting opinions on how to squash these symptoms. The tests were rigorous at times and some of them even led me into having more seizures, due to sleep deprivation and other controls they wanted to test out on me. Different doctors prescribed me all types of miracle drugs that were supposed to help, but didn’t. Little did I know how much of a lab rat I was for western medicine. Finally, after years of searching, we found a drug that stopped my symptoms seemingly entirely. Lamictal was the medication that worked for me. Finally, I could get relief from my seizures and go back to some sort of regular life.
I can still remember my doctor telling me how Lamictal was a safe medication that was going to have no side effects. It’s only purpose was to train my brain to stop having seizures, and then I would simply wean down from my dose until I wouldn’t need it. He failed to mention that the drug was designed for bipolar disorder therapy. At that time I was approximately 18 years old and my dosage was 50 milligrams twice daily.
Things were going well until one day I had another seizure. It’s possible that I skipped a dose, but one of those side effects that Lamictal wasn’t supposed to have was in fact memory loss. If you do skip a dose you might not even remember it. Quite a symptom to avoid sharing with people. My parents took me back to the doctor and they decided that it would be smart to double my dosage. Lamictal is time released and they thought that a higher dose would alleviate some of the symptoms in case my regimen wasn’t completely on target. In fear of having another seizure, I joined the medicine campaign again and upped the dose. I must admit that it seemed to cure the problem, because I didn’t have another seizure for quite some time. However my symptoms from the medicine got much worse.
At the time I was too naive to see the true correlation between the medicine and my mood. I was forgetful and found it difficult to get the will power to do many things. I was being held down and I had no clue of it. I just did what the doctor said. A couple years later 100 milligrams twice daily wasn’t enough. I went back to the neurologist with my parents and he advised us to double the dose again. My parents agreed in a heart beat and I just sat there accepting my fate. I can remember that night discussing it with my mother. Telling her that I didn’t want to be on this medicine anymore, and that I thought the idea was to come off of it, not to be upping my dosage every few years. She got mad at me for this and accused me of stating that she was doing something to hurt me. She overwhelmed me with guilt and I started up the new dosage that night. Besides, the doctors said that this was the highest dose of Lamictal that they could prescribe. I was taking 200 milligrams twice daily now and until they said otherwise.
I thought that I was doing well on it. There would be the occasion where I would forget a dose and I would end up having mood swings that made me very difficult to be around. I would get mad over nothing and I would have no clue as to why. I couldn’t fathom that it was due to the medicine, because it could never be that. It could never be what your mother says is the best thing for you. Over the years I would still have the random grand mal seizure when times would get overwhelming or I would forget a dose. I continued going to the neurologist.
By the age of 22 I was married, and I stopped going to the doctor with my parents and went with my wife instead. We wanted to figure a way for this to all stop. I would tell the neurologist about my symptoms and he would tell me that it was normal for someone who was on Lamictal to be experiencing these side effects. There were times that he would suggest taking other medications, but that seemed to be too much of a risk since my dosage of Lamictal was already so high. What we knew for sure was that since I was still having the seizures upon occasion that lowering my dose would be dangerous, and that I was going to be on this medicine until we could be sure that my mind would forget how to have them.
When I was 24 my wife and I had a baby boy. This might seem like a tangent, but I assure you it is integral to this story. My son was perfect from the day we brought him home from the hospital. He was trying to roll over in his first week and doing great with eye contact. He started speaking only after a few months. Life was great. We had done everything that western medicine had told us to do for him. When he was 2 years old we took him for another round of vaccines. We were just doing what we thought was best for him, but it turned out that we had put our beliefs into the wrong system.
When we got home that day, I noticed that Dougie wasn’t his usual self. Things only got worse from that point on. My walking/talking son wouldn’t even look at me. He wouldn’t look at anything. He wouldn’t move at all. He just sat there and got sicker and sicker. We didn’t understand. This beautiful and healthy person was no longer there. It wasn’t long after that when he was diagnosed with autism. How could my son have autism when he had been more than normal since the day that we brought him home from the hospital. My wife got to work on understanding what had happened to him, and I continued to work long hours and put food on the table. She started making changes to the foods that we were eating in order to build up our immune systems. Dougie and I were not pleased with our new diets. He would throw fits and I would sneak the occasional treat. I guess that I figured that if this were the way that the doctors would have told us so.
Already being aggravated by the Lamictal, it was difficult to come home and have to deal with my son throwing a temper tantrum due to his not wanting to eat peas. I was quick to judge, easy to upset. I felt confrontational. I would plead with my wife to figure something out, as I thought that I was going to go crazy under these circumstances. I realize now that this was selfish, but I was highly medicated. It took months of her standing her ground and my son throwing fits until finally he started to calm down. It was a miracle. His speech didn’t come right back, and his eye contact wasn’t normal just yet, but you could tell that there was a difference in him. He was coming back against all odds. Against the doctors saying that he should be medicated and telling us that he was never going to talk again. It was enough for me to start thinking with her instead of simply standing on the sidelines watching.
As a family our immunities continued to grow and we were learning things about health and wellness that I never thought were possible. By this time I was managing a law firm. It was a high stress job that demanded a lot of time and energy. It slowed down my progress with health, but created a great life for my family. Finally, we decided to move to California, and I was going to set up a remote firm there.We were thrilled. As excited as I was at the prospect of the move, I never knew the dramatic effects that it would have on my health and life. Once we had made it out there, I decided to get rid of all of the habits that I had held onto while working at the firm, i.e. smoking, fast food, minimal sleep etc. Not that I was destroying my body on a grand scale, but these things were slowly killing me and I truly had no need for them. I learned of fermented foods and raw diets that changed my perspective on health, and then something crazy happened.
We invited someone into our home to stay with us for a while and help them out. This person ended up stealing my Lamictal when he left. I had no way of getting more due to the fact that Lamictal is a antipsychotic and they will only allow you a certain amount of pills, which I had already ordered. My wife and I decided that it was time to wean myself down from the stash that I had hidden for “just in case” purposes. If you have ever been on this medicine before then I am sure you have pills in different places, just in case you are cut off from your primary source.
We cut the pills into quarters and I started lowering my dose. At the time I was 29 years old, and I had been on this medicine for over a decade. I added in Bioage, which is a super green algae, and fermented foods to keep brain balance. It helped considerably, but not totally. My withdraw was horrific. There were times when I felt insane, and I was. The medicine coming out of me was torturous. There were times when I thought that I was never going to come back to. I lost my job, and my sanity. My wife nurtured me back to life over the next few months. Not every minute of every day was terrible, but some were more than I could bare. The worst of the symptoms were in the first 2 months. I could feel my skin crawling. I got hot and cold flashes. I thought that random people and police were after me for taking myself off the medication. I was upset with my wife for caring about me too much and had accusatory feelings like she had ulterior motives. Sometimes I felt as if she couldn’t understand my suffering, which created feelings of betrayal. If the sun touched my skin it would make it sizzle, not burn, but tingle like a rash that didn’t want to be scratched. Irritating without a solution. There were times when I felt myself vibrate and it seemed like my energy was seeping out of my body. It was like the accounts of astral projection, but without the wondrous joyful understanding. It was a daily torture to stay together.
I started seeing an amazing acupuncturist named Kirk Forde (http://www.facebook.com/kirk.forde?ref=ts), that understood my mission and helped me through my symptoms with different natural herbs and esoteric acupuncture. Thank you Kirk. Slowly I came back to the original me, plus some very extraordinary added benefits. After the crazy faze had worn off and I was no longer feeling like I was leaping out of my body, I started to notice a more awareness of myself and my surroundings. I started remembering things about my childhood that had been repressed for a decade. Suddenly I had very strong intuition.
I can remember being a child and sitting on my bed in the morning having visions of the day to come. I wouldn’t do it intentionally, it just happened. We are told to keep things like that to ourselves in this society and I did. It was something that I shared with no one. I was always shocked at my accuracy to see the upcoming days events. I don’t know when I lost the visions, and honestly, at the time, I might have simply wanted them gone to just be normal. It started coming back though. I started waking up and seeing things again, only this time I was married to a woman who wouldn’t shun me for being different.
When we were living in Chicago about a year before we left, I decided to go with my wife to get attuned to Reiki. At the time I didn’t completely understand what it was or believe in it for that matter. I did it because my wife thought that it would be good for me and wanted me to experience it with her. Reiki is a healing technique that allows you to transfer energy from source into whatever you want to heal. I took the class, but noticed nothing from it. Little did I know that one day I would be using it on a daily basis, as simple as a doctor hands out pills. Having visions was just the beginning of my energy coming back to me. I started using Reiki all the time. I broadcasted it walking down the sidewalk. I can see how people might read this and think that maybe I never stopped being crazy after all, but I assure you that this is as real as it gets. If you had a headache I could put my hands on your head and take it away instantaneously. It got to the point where I could do it without touch as well, even from a distance.
The fact is that Lamictal was holding me down and stripping me of my natural talents and destinies. Western medicine has damaged everyone in my immediate family in one way or another. We are not meant to be living like this. We truly are energetic beings. I have been off Lamictal for over a year now, and I am seizure free. I don’t ever feel like they are even coming on. My diet is extremely nourishing and fulfilling. My life is full of wonder and excitement, and I don’t rely on anything to keep my mood stabilized. My son read me 3 books yesterday and we had a laugh at the funny story lines. My beautiful boy has come back. There is a better way to live and to see life. You don’t need to have another person tell you about your health and how to provide wellness for yourself. If you are taking this drug or anything like it then I am here to help you. You are not alone, but you do need to stand up if you want to break through. It’s time to take the power in your own hands. Stop believing in what society is telling you to believe. Sop believing anyone who is telling you anything, including me. Learn for yourself. You are your best healer, because I assure you that no one cares more about you becoming everything that you want to be more than you. We are all beautiful beings of light on the same path to enlightenment. Raise your energy and believe in yourself.
We will have more information about Lamictal and how I healed.